Marathon Training vs. Pregnancy

I specifically remember one day in July of 2009, about 4 weeks before Austin was born, being so hot, uncomfortable and just tired of being pregnant that I thought to myself "I will never do this again". I was at work and had probably just been asked for the billionth time that day "are you sure you're just having ONE baby?!" As if a second baby had somehow snuck in there and been hiding from my OB for the past 8 months. I was over it and had determined that once I delivered Austin safely into this world, my child-bearing days were over.

 

Okay, so I must admit that I do get quite large when I am pregnant. This was taken the night before Austin's birth.

But then, the big day arrived. And just like 2 1/2 years before when we welcomed Bella, all the aches, frequent trips to the potty, nausea and annoying questions were just details. He was totally worth it. I had reached pregnancy's "finish line" and it was an amazing feeling.

Bonding with my big guy shortly after his birth.

 

I guess you could say that my normal running experience is like the second trimester of pregnancy. You know, that sweet spot, when energy has returned, nausea has faded, the belly is just starting to show and a good night's sleep is still possible. The time when pregnancy is awesome. And normally, for me, running is awesome. Right now, I am 10 weeks out from running my second marathon. I'm entering the "3rd trimester" in a way. And I'm feeling those same familiar feelings that I felt during the peak of my training for my first marathon. Feelings that were forgotten when I crossed that finish line the first time, just like how the difficulties of pregnancy are all but forgotten when your brand new baby is placed in your arms. But now, the miles are piling up and my knees and hips are starting to feel it. My long runs have reached a point where I don't look forward to them at all. I love a good 8 to 12 miler on a Saturday morning, but when the training schedule calls for 15 to 20 milers, a lot of self-doubt and dread comes along with it. I have started thinking "If I can just make it to November 4th (race day), I will never run another marathon." But, I also know that once I cross that finish line in Central Park on November 4th, all of the tough 5:30 am runs will fade into a distant memory. And while I won't have a new baby placed in my arms, I'll have a similar rush of emotion. When I crossed the finish line on March 20, 2011 and saw Scott's proud, smiling face coming towards me, holding Bella's hand and carrying Austin on his hip, the happy tears started, just like on January 18, 2007 and August 21, 2009, when Bella and Austin were born. And while the sore legs, knees and hips will still be there, who knows what will be in store for our family on November 5th. Plans for another marathon, or baby #3?





Crossing the finish line March 20, 2011

95% There

Back in March, shortly after we got our new house under contract, I visited our new town with the kids to tour preschools for Austin. We toured one that I really liked, and being my normal, impulsive self, I filled out an application right then in the director's office. The only catch: all of the kids in the 3-year-old class had to be potty trained. Alrighty. No big deal, right? It's March and I have until Labor Day to get this little potty project done. Fast forward 4 months to July, and I'm starting to stress out a little. Austin was still showing no interest in using the potty. He would sit on his Lightning McQueen potty for maybe a second and pop right back up saying "I don't know how". I started asking people if they had a preschool they recommended that would take non-potty trained 3-year-old.

And then, all of a sudden, he got it. We started spending lots of time sitting on the potty reading book after book after book after book. He really liked sitting there reading. And when something actually happened in the potty, he got a prize. Then he just sort of took off from there. It's really only been 2 weeks and I feel like I can say that we're 95% there. I've gotten brave enough to venture out of the house with him wearing underwear instead of a pull-up. And he's so proud of himself. Scott and I are proud of him too. Even Bella. He says "now I can go to school?" Yes, buddy, now you can go to school. 

Imperfection....

I put something in my post the other day that I went back and changed. I said something about mommy blogs annoying me. I changed it because I thought it was rude of me to say that other people's blogs annoyed me. It's not that, it's that they make me feel insecure and imperfect. I see perfectly maintained/decorated homes and perfectly-dressed children. I see mom's who always look fashionable and put-together. Not to mention the children's activities... Those mom's are clearly way more creative than I am.


I've always had issues with insecurities (I guess, really, who hasn't), but I don't think I've ever experienced insecurity as much as I have since becoming a mother. I am constantly thinking "Am I doing this right?" "Am I doing all that I can to make sure my children are going to grow up and be good, kind people?" And I see these other blogs and think "They've got it together." "Clearly, they are doing it right." And I compare my life/motherhood experience with their's. Which, I am aware, is absolutely rediculous. I really think we're all doing the best we can. So, I'm trying to come to terms with my imperfection as a mother, wife, housekeeper, etc. I'm trying everyday to be okay with our playroom looking like this most of the time...

And the reality of my kitchen counters on most days...

And the fact that most days I'm just not going to look my best... And somedays my kids watch Diego and Dora instead of making masterpieces with homemade play-doh. And the fact that sounds of crying, fighting and whining seem to be the soundtrack of my life on most days. But, Bella and Austin are happy. And they know they are loved by lots of people. And, I guess, at the end of each day, that's the most important thing.

School Days

We've got a kindergartner in the house! Bella actually started kindergarten a few weeks ago and so far she seems to really be enjoying herself. Perhaps a bit too much, and we're ironing out a few kinks behavior-wise, but she seems to be learning a lot and, most importantly, seems happy. I'm going to start volunteering each week in her class soon (as soon as my background check is approved), which I'm really looking forward to!

It's been a little emotional for me to have her start kindergarten. First of all, it doesn't even seem like it's possible that she's old enough to start school. And secondly, I really miss her during the day. And I know that this just means we're one step closer to having to let her go completely into the world on her own. And that scares this admittedly over-protective mama just a little bit...



My big girl all ready to go!

My mom found this poem and sent it to me a few days before Bella started school and it definitely had me in tears...

I Trust You'll Treat Her Well

World, I bequeath to you today one little girl in a crispy dress.. with two blue eyes...and a happy laugh that ripples all day long, and a batch of light blonde hair that bounces in the sunlight when she runs. I Trust You'll Treat Her Well.

She's slipping out of the backyard of my heart this morning and skipping off down the street to her first day at school.

And never again will she be completely mine...

Prim and proud, she'll wave a young and independent hand this morning, and say goodbye and walk with little-lady steps to the nearby schoolhouse...

Gone will be the chattering little hoyden who lived only for play, and gone will be the delightful little gamin who roamed the yard like a proud princess with nary a care in her little world.

Now, she will learn to stand in lines...and wait by the alphabet for her name to be called...

She will learn to tune her little-girl ears for the sound of school bells, and for deadlines...

She will learn to giggle and gossip... and to look at the ceiling in a disinterested way when the little boy across the aisle sticks out his tongue.

Now she will learn to be jealous...and now she will learn how it is to feel hurt inside...and now she will learn how not to cry. No longer will she have time to sit on the front porch steps on a summer day and watch while an ant scurries across a crack in the sidewalk...

Or will she have time to pop out of bed with the dawn to kiss lilac blossoms in the morning dew. Now she will worry about important things...like grades...and what dresses to wear...and whose best friend is whose. Now she will worry about the little boy who pulls her hair at recess time... and staying after school...and which little girls like which little boys...And the magic of books and knowledge will soon take the place of the magic of her blocks and dolls.

And she'll find her new heroes. For five full years I've been her sage and Santa Claus...her pal and playmate...her parent and friend. Now, alas, she'll learn to share her worship and adoration with her teachers (which is only right).

No longer will her parents be the smartest, and greatest in the world. Today, when the first school bell rings, she'll learn how it is to be a member of the group...with all its privileges, and, of course, its disadvantages, too.

She'll learn in time that proper young ladies don't laugh out loud...or keep frogs in pickle jars in bedrooms...or watch ants scurry across the cracks in a summer sidewalk...

Today, she'll begin to learn for the first time that all who smile at her are not her friends. That "the group" can be a demanding mistress... and I'll stand on the porch and watch her start out on the long, long journey to becoming a woman.

So WORLD, I BEQUEATH TO YOU TODAY ONE LITTLE GIRL in a crispy dress, with two blue eyes, a happy laugh that ripples all day long, and a batch of light blonde hair that bounces in the sunlight when she runs.

I TRUST YOU'LL TREAT HER WELL.

Maybe I'll Start Blogging Again... Maybe.

So, it's been well over a year since I've added anything to my blog. I've been debating for a long time over whether or not I even want to keep a blog. There have been a few reasons I've not been blogging: 1) I've just been busy and haven't gotten around to it, 2) I had gotten so far behind on keeping it updated that I felt overwhelmed with starting over.... So, I've been putting it off. But, I've come to the conclusion that I want something to look back on one day to document our lives when Bella and Austin were little. Especially since I've been terrible about updating baby books. Or, at least updating Bella's. Austin doesn't even have a baby book. Also, playing on the computer is a lot more fun that doing housework during Austin's naps. So, here I go... again...

Since it's been over  a year since I've updated, and this blog is mostly for me, my family and our friends, I'll refrain from a long, drawn-out update. In a nutshell: we moved, I'm staying at home full time again, Bella is 5 and just started kindergarten and Austin will be 3 in a couple of weeks. Austin is home with me full time until he starts preschool next month. That's basically it.

So, when I decided to blog again, I tried to think of what I wanted my blog to be about. Obviously, it's called "Littlest Lindsays" for a reason. The majority of my posts will probably be about my kids. But, to spice it up a little, there will be other topics too. Like running. Running is something I became passionate about while living in Wilmington. There were many mornings I spent running at Wrightsville Beach and watching the sunrise over the Intracoastal Waterway. I loved those mornings and miss them terribly. Now that we've moved away from the beach, I'm hoping that blogging about running some will help me stay inspired and keep logging those miles. Since my last blog update I've run a marathon. And right now I'm training to run another one. And if I actually keep up with posting, I'll post about my current marathon endeavor. I'm also hoping that keeping up with my blog will encourage me to get my camera out more. Scott got me a nice photo editing software for Christmas last year, and I've never really taken the time to learn how to use it properly.

Anyway, that's it for now... Hope I actually post again soon!